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"My beauty," said Venus, "obtain'd the Gold Apple." "Mine A----s Kiss," says Juno, "you shall have a couple. I'd have you to know, Queen of Sluts, I defie you, And all you can say, or the bully that's by you. And as for that Tomboy that boasts she can wield, In quarrels and brangles, her lance and her shield, That never yet tasted the heavenly blessing, But always lov'd fighting, much better than kissing: I know she'd be glad to be ravish'd by force, By some lusty God, that's as strong as a horse.

But who'd be so forward, unless he was tipsie, To choose for a miss, such a masculine gipsie? A termagant dowdy, a nasty old maid; Who flights copulation, as if she was spay'd: Which makes me believe, that under her bodice, She wants the dear gem, that's the pride of a Goddess." Now Pallas, enrag'd at so high a reflection, Cry'd out, "I thank Jove, I am made in perfection, And ev'ry thing have, from a hole to a hair, Becoming the Goddess of Wisdom and War; As Paris well knew, when he took a survey, Of those parts where a Goddess's excellence lay; Who strok'd it and smil'd, when my legs he had parted, And peep'd till I thought his poor eyes would have started.

Then licking his lips, did aver to be true, I was each way as full well accomplish'd as you. Indeed, Madam Juno, I'll therefore be plain, If ever I hear these reflections again: I vow as a Goddess, and no mortal sinner, I shall have no patience, but handle your pinner." With that the Great Jupiter rose up in hot anger, And looking on Pallas, was ready to bang her.

"Pox take ye," says he, "is your scolding a lecture, That ought to be preach'd o'er a bowl of good nectar?

To drink we came hither, to sing and be civil; As gods, to be merry, and not play the devil. Why, mortals on earth, that live crowded in allies, As laundresses, porters, poor strumpets and bullies; When got o'er a gallon of belch, or a sneaker Of punch, could not wrangle more over their liquor.

And you that are Goddesses, thus to be squabbling, As if you were bred up to scow'ring and dabbling!

And all for a fig, or a fart, or sporty sexy nude a feather, Or some silly thing that's as trivial as either! For shame, my Fair Goddesses, bridle your passions, And make not in heaven such filthy orations About your bumfiddles; a very fine jest! When the heavens all know, they but stink at the best. Tho' ye think you much mend with your washes the matter, And help the ill-scent with your orange flower water; But when you've done all, 'tis but playing the fool, And like stifling a T----d, in a cedar close stool: Besides, Gods of judgment have often confest That the natural scent without art is the best." The Goddesses all, at these sayings, took snuff, And rose from their seats in a damnable huff: Their frowns and their blushes, they mingled together, And went off in a passion, I do not know hither. "Here's another fine burlesque poem I'll read, if you don't mind," continued Frank, "it's called 'Vulcan and Venus.'" VULCAN AND VENUS Says Vulcan to Venus, "Pray where have you been?" "Abroad," cries the Goddess, "to see and be seen." "I fear," says the blacksmith, "you lead an ill life, Tho' a Goddess, I doubt you're a bitch of a wife." "Why, how now," cries Venus, "altho' you're my spouse, If you bitch me, you brute, have a care of your brows; Why sure you don't think, I, the Goddess of Beauty, By dint of ill language, will prove the more true t'ye; Be civil, you'd best, or I vow by my placket, I'll make the god Mars bastinado your jacket!" "Are you there with sporty sexy nude your bears?" Smung replies to his Hussey. "Does Mars still refresh your old Furbilo, does he; I feel by my forehead a coat that is scarlet, Of all kinds of baits, is the best for a harlot; For beauty, I find, as 'tis commonly said, Will nibble like fish at a rag that is red; But Hussey, tell me any more of your Mars, And I'll run a hot bar in your Goddesship's arse; I fear not your threats, there's a fart for your bully, No whore in the Heavens shall make me her cully!" "You run a hot bar in my bum," quoth the dame, "Its a sign you've a sporty sexy nude mighty respect for the same; If your love be so little as to abuse it, I'll keep it for those who know better to use it; I'm certain no Goddess that values her honour, Would bear the indignities you put upon her, And not from that minute resolve out of spite, To improve your old horns till they hang in your light." "You're an impudent slut," cries the smung at his bellows, "And I the unhappiest of all marry'd fellows: I know you have made me a ram, I have seen it, I catch'd you, you Whore, in the critical minute, Fast lock'd in the sexy nude young redneck girls with big tits naked arms of your lecherous God, Whilst his brawny posteriors went niddity nod; And you, like a Slut, lay as pleased and contented, As if every joint of your body consented; Altho' when you found you were spy'd by your buck, Then you struggl'd and strove like a pig that is stuck, And dismounting your God, sporty sexy nude would have made your escape, But I saw by your actions sporty sexy nude it could be no rape; Tho' when you first heard, sporty sexy nude by my patting-shoe tread, My approach to your Whoreship's adulterous bed, I know you'd have flown with your coats sporty sexy so sexy hot nude nude and your bodice, And afterwards vow'd 'twas some other lewd Goddess; But my net was too strong, it prevented your flying, And so put a stop to your swearing and lying.